Scholars believe that the saying “It’s all been done before,” was introduced by the Ancient Sumerians. Through historical simulations, we know that they developed the first written language. They were also the first to contract depression. Experts attribute this to Sumerian writers, who made profound literary breakthroughs, only to realize that their stories had already been written by previous Sumerian writers. Over the course of many centuries, this led to widespread cynicism and apathy. The Babylonian writer Plagiarus described this in his famous essay ‘Nothing Changes,’ in which he argued that “all forms of art have been present since the beginning of time and will continue without significant alteration, until the end of time.”

His philosophy was adopted by the Ancient Greeks, who passed it down to the European Rennaisance Thinkers, who gave birth to the field of Artistic Criticism. This dealt a massive blow to artistic depression. With the advent of the Critic, art could be evaluated based on its’ resemblance to past works, artists could know exactly how accurate their replicas were, and patrons could articulate what they were experiencing. At the time, it was suggested that Plagiarus’ theory may need revision (because of changes to the art landscape and to human understanding.) This flawed suggestion was set right by the Modern Psychologists, who pointed out that any differences were superficial, that all art expressed the same fundamental ideas over and over again, and would always do so.

Upheld by most societies and governments, Plagiarus became synonymous with world progress. The Industrial Revolution allowed art to be produced on a greater scale and distributed to the rest of the world with improved speed. Several hundred years later, the Digital Age brought about a true revolution: the ability to replicate art, music, clothing, food, housing and behavior. More importantly, the ability to send replicas to anyone at any time. Most importantly, improved quality of life for all humans.

Despite these advances, exceptions to the Plagiarus Doctrine were reported. Devotees to the cult of Maus Haus claimed that their leaders had produced wondrous musical forms outside of the Twelve Plagiarian Modes. Despite the absurdity of these claims, their Light Noise movement became widespread and lasted for several hundred years. Until recently, Light Noise was thought to be defunct (thanks to the success of the New Audio Compliance Act), but several months ago Maus Haus adherents were flagged on the outer colonies. Not much is known about this troubling resurgence. For the purposes of this abstract, further observation is strongly recommended. Maus Haus Priority Level: HIGH.

Jon Bernson is official property of Exray’s, Window Twins and THEMAYS.